I really wanted to do a post about self talk but it became challenging to know where to start. Partly because I had victimized myself with negative self talk for years and years of my past. So, it really stirred up some raw emotion when I thought about that place in my life. And, even though I’ve overcome that and moved beyond that dark shadow of a past, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that from time to time I have to make a conscious decision to snap out of it and stop being so damn hard on myself.
What do I mean when I say I victimized myself with negative self talk? I mean I would physically stand in front of the mirror and pick myself apart. The tears would run down my face as I’d stand there, often times just out of the shower…a completely naked and vulnerable reflection in the mirror. Someone who I couldn’t stand the site of was staring back at me. Someone who looked so pathetic and sad. I would actually talk aloud and speak the words to myself…it wasn’t just thoughts. I would tell this reflection just how useless she was. I would tell her how ugly and hideous she was. Look at those rolls of fat you lazy piece of shit. How can you think anyone will ever love you? No wonder you are so sad and lonely. (Keep in mind…I had lots of friends and I was later married…but that just tells you how much of a sad shell I had become.) You don’t deserve to find love. You don’t deserve to be happy. How could you ever let yourself get this way? Every name and joke anyone has ever made about you is true and it’s exactly what you deserve. You are disgusting and I can’t stand to look at you. You’re a fat pig, it’s no wonder everyone hates you. You don’t deserve friends. You’re never going to be happy. And the list goes on….and on….and on……..
Close your eyes for a moment….visualize yourself meeting up with your best friend who you hadn’t seen in awhile and you discover she’s gained quite a bit of weight. Now, say to your friend…Wow, you fat piece of shit, what happened to you? You are disgusting and deserve to die alone. Could you do it? Did you visualize that? No! Of course you couldn’t! You would NEVER EVER even dream of saying something like that to your best friend! You’d hug her and greet her with excitement. You’d ask her how she was doing and when she brought up her weight struggles, you’d offer up some words of encouragement and tell her how beautiful she is. So, why do we think it’s ok to talk to ourselves that way? Talk to and treat yourself the way you’d do with your very best friend.
When you look at yourself, you need to look at yourself with the same care and love that you’d use when looking at your best friend who’s just come toyou looking for advice during a really tough time in her lift. Be gentle. Be caring. Be kind. Accept yourself as you are…right then and there. Tell yourself that you ARE enough. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and you deserve anything you yearn for. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Believe that you are amazing. Maybe you have a little more around the middle than you’d like…but you have gorgeous eyes….eyes that many can only wish to have. Maybe you have a smile that turns heads. No matter how much we wish to be perfect…perfect is relative. Your idea of perfect is different from the next persons idea. Maybe you have stick straight hair and have always wished for curly hair. Talk to someone with curly hair and I bet they’ve wished for hair that wasn’t like a wild beast needing tamed. Maybe you’ve always wished you were shorter…well, that person that’s 5’3″ may have always dreamed to be taller. Be happy with yourself as you are. We always want for what we don’t have. Meet yourself where you are and be grateful for what you DO have!
Accept WHO you are! Accept WHAT you are! Believe in yourself and what you stand for. Don’t try to keep up with everyone you see in magazines or even your friends on social media. Just focus on being the best version of you. There’s a thing called a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe wholeheartedly in them. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that directly or indirectly causes itself to become true, by the very terms of the prophecy itself, due to positive feedback between belief and behavior. For example, if you’ve always wanted to have your own business…allow yourself to plan for it, dream about it, think about it, live and breath it…and it’ll happen! Act as if you already have it and do the things you need to get there. If you sit there and say, I’ll never have enough money to open my own business. Guess what? YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO OPEN YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Instead, talk about or think about getting the money. Make it happen! It’s the same thing with weight loss and getting healthy. Eat as if you were already there…The rest will fall into place. But, if you don’t believe that you can even get there, then you will never take the steps to make it happen!
So, do yourself a favor, for just 1 day…then 1 week, 1 month and for the rest of your life. Drop the negative talk. Look in that mirror. And, tell that reflection staring back at you that you are amazing. You are exactly as you should be. You are doing great things. Your hair is on point. That smile is breathtaking. And, those eyes are sparkling. You are an incredible human being. YOU ARE ENOUGH! For every negative thing you say to yourself, say 3 positive things! YOU ARE ENOUGH!